Finally It Can End
by rosie.lee.14
Summary: McGee feels lonely and feels as though he has nobody to turn to, Gibbs forcefully intervenes to try and get McGee through this but could he be too late? Be warned...story centred completely on depression and will contains mentions of self harm. Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own NCIS. :(
1. McGee's Suicide Attempt

A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it :)

"Why don't you write about how you're feeling Tim?"

"I don't know how"

"Write about today"

"I'll try Abby"

In my head it's happened a thousand times if not more but this was it, I could stop dreaming about it.

Now I can finally do it.

I crept closer and closer to the edge, nobody was there to stop me, no one knew I was there. Midnight in DC seems particularly peaceful.

No one around who would bother looking up to see me standing right on the edge.

I kept seeing all of my stupid mistakes flash before my eyes and how useless I've been.

When I handed Tony that envelope containing plague I didn't think.

I have done so many stupid things.

Not taking Sarah to NCIS sooner, everything could have gone really wrong.

I can end this now. Everyone can cope without me, their lives will be easier.

Jenny won't care; I'm just another one of her agents, if anything it will be a relief.

Penny and Sarah will adjust to life without me.

Abby will have the most difficult time adjusting but she's stronger than we give her credit for, Palmer will be the least affected however he probably won't believe that I would do such a thing.

Tony will end up drowning his sorrows whereas Ziva will just take her feelings out on the first guy who wonders onto her path of destruction. I don't know how Gibbs will cope. He's dealt with many deaths in his time; one more won't make a difference. Ducky will hopefully guide everyone with his kind words of wisdom. They will all understand once they read the letters I left them all.

Just one more step.

I edged ever so slightly closer.

"TIM!"

I nearly fell over the edge out of shock, it was Gibbs.

"C'mon Tim, you don't wanna do this"

"I wouldn't be standing here if I didn't"

"Please Tim, I can't lose another agent"

"You will all cope just fine without me"

"Tim, we won't, you're irreplaceable. Everyone will say the same thing if you let them"

"Why are you here? I left letter on your desk hours after you left"

"I needed a hand with my new phone so I rung you on my old one but you never answered. I remembered that when I left NCIS you were still there so I thought you may have a lead on the case. When I saw that you weren't there my gut started churning, I sat at my desk for a moment to think and when I looked up I found this letter"

"I knew I should have posted them"

"Tim please"

"What's with the 'Tim' all of a sudden? I'm just McGee, Probie or Elf Lord to you"

"If I had a nickname for Tony or Ziva don't you think I'd use it"

"Are you really going to stop me from doing the one thing that will make me happy?"

"It doesn't work Tim, after the first time I was in an explosion and after finding out about my wife and daughter I drove out to where we went riding, I sat on a log where we used to roast marshmallows, pointed the gun at my head ready to pull the trigger, ready to end the pain and suffering"

"Why didn't you?"

"I realised there was more to life and that there were so many other people I could help. It didn't matter to me anymore that Franks couldn't solve my girls' case. Franks allowed me to get past everything and help catch bastards like the one that caused the two most painful deaths of my lifetime"

"That's all well and good but it's time to say goodbye"

"No Tim!" I didn't realise the whole time Gibbs had been creeping closer and closer. I for some reason kept my back to him which was silly, no, stupid of me as suddenly I felt someone's grip around me. They pulled me back over the rail and no matter how much I tried I couldn't escape or jump I couldn't.

My life has just got from bad to worse.

"Tim calm down, I'm trying to help"

"Just let me jump!"

"No!"

At this moment Gibbs had me pinned to the floor and I couldn't move an inch. After a minute of trying to escape I gave up but Gibbs didn't move

"I'm not moving until you promise that you're not gonna jump"

"Well that's not going to happen"

"Suit yourself "

Then Gibbs got up and helped me up but then I felt something on my wrist. Oh great, he has cuffed us together, how convenient.

"Go on then Tim, jump and take me with you" he pushed me right up to the bar almost over the edge

"Stop this!" Nothing was going according to plan, I really want to jump and Gibbs wasn't helping but I can't jump with him attached to me.

My eyes started to well up and I think Gibbs noticed, he let me go and stared walking and naturally I had no choice but to follow. There were a lot of stairs to walk down and the fact that Gibbs didn't speak a word to me made the journey feel ten times longer.

We walked all of the way back to HQ, it was 1:30am when we arrived, Gibbs refused to drive just to make a point, which point exactly I don't know.

When we entered the building Gibbs whispered something to one of the security guards which I didn't hear. We then walked to the elevator where Gibbs took the cuffs off.

"I'm not letting you out of my sight"

I never spoke out loud but all I was thinking was good luck, shortly after we arrived at the bull pen.

"Where did you put all of the other letters?"

"I'm not going to tell you"

"Tim, I'm not gonna let you kill yourself so you might as well tell me"

I didn't respond because I didn't plan on sticking around.

"I will just look for them then"

It didn't take Gibbs long to find Tony and Ziva's considering I didn't actually try to hide them, I left Ducky's and Palmer's on the desk in autopsy. I placed Abby's more carefully, it was underneath her stereo but unfortunately it was only the second place Gibbs looked.

If my life wasn't over before it was now.

"C'mon Tim, we're going to my place where I can keep an eye on you. I've just finished cleaning out the guest room"

"I am in charge of my own life, you can't make me stay at your house"

"Whether you like it or not you are stopping with me until you are not a suicide risk McGee. Besides, you are talking to Ducky tomorrow"

"No way"

"It's that or an NCIS shrink who can get you put on leave if they think you aren't up to field duty. Take your pick"

I decided to stay silent considering Gibbs looked like he needed coffee and it was 2:00am.

The ride to Gibbs' took a little under ten minutes in a taxi, I'm not sure where Gibbs hid the letters I wrote but I do have backups on my laptop if worst comes to worst and he doesn't give them back.

When we arrived Gibbs showed me to the guest room and set me out some clothes to get changed into and a drink, the clothes looked comfy compared to the suit I was wearing but I wasn't sticking around so I took a large gulp of water to throw Gibbs off track.

As soon as Gibbs left I checked the windows but I heard that Gibbs was in the kitchen and opened the door to check to see of coast was clear. When it was I tiptoed out and got to the front door when Gibbs noticed me.

"Tim, how can everything be that bad?"

"It jus- it just is, leave me alone, please"

"We can sort this Tim, you just need a little help"

"I'm pretty sure suicide risks aren't allowed to work at NCIS"

"Once you receive some help you won't be, me and Ducky won't tell anyone if that's what you want so you can still work"

"You really don't get it boss; I don't want to work anymore. I don't want to live"

"You can't think like that"

"I can and I will. The only reason I'm here is because you stopped me from jumping, by force"

"I didn't think you wanted an audience, I could and still should ring the director now and get you put on leave"

"Go ahead, it's not like that's a threat to me anymore, there's so many more ways for me to take my life and you can't watch me 24/7"

"I'd start listening if I were you because I'll just take you to the hospital and they can watch you 24/7"

"Why couldn't you just let me jump?"

"Because you are one of the best agents I have ever come across along with Tony and Ziva, besides I put sleeping tablets in your water so you won't get very far if you leave"

He was right but I didn't want him to know it so I just walked out of the front door and he followed. Due to the fact that I hadn't eaten the drugs took affect much quicker than both I and Gibbs expected. The last thing I remember was Gibbs catching me as I fell at the end of his street, he must have carried me back as when I woke up I was tucked up in a surprisingly comfy bed. Gibbs appeared to be asleep in the rocking chair by the side of the bed. I silently pulled the covers from the top of me and attempted to creep out.

"Don't try it McGee, I locked the front door and all of the windows, I suggest you change your clothes before work today"

"I'm not going to work, I'm not changing, I'm leaving this house if I have to break the doors down" I then stumbled and grabbed the door to regain my balance, Gibbs immediately jumped from his seat seeing what had happened.

"When was the last time you ate McGee?"

"Why would you want to know?"

"McGee spill!"

"Three days ago if you must know!"

Gibbs just sighed and helped me walk to the kitchen. He sat me down at the table and forced me to eat quite a large bowl of cereal after which I could barely move but Gibbs yet again had other ideas. He made me get changed into one of his old suits that for some reason fitted me however I noticed that Gibbs had no clocks in the house but he just explained that he runs off his body clock not by the time everyone else works to.

We had to get a taxi to HQ because Gibbs still hadn't retrieved his car but it didn't take that long to get there.

I stopped worrying about the time until we got to NCIS where I switched my computer on, it was 6:30am and the bull pen was empty.

When Gibbs sat down a few minutes later with coffee he looked surprised to see me still sitting there, he then received a phone call after which he called me up and we went to the elevator but to my surprise we didn't leave the building but we went down to autopsy then I knew what was coming.

When we arrived in autopsy Ducky didn't seem surprised to see us but still questioned Gibbs as to why we were here and he just said "I'll leave you to it"

After he left Ducky started talking to me "so Timothy, what does Jethro want us to talk about?"

"I don't know Ducky"

"Ok, let's start with why both of you are here and my car is the only one in the car park"

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"I'm sure Jethro would disagree. Timothy, if this is private I don't need to reassure you that I won't tell a soul"

"I do-don't wanna talk about it"

"What happened Timothy? What happened when you left work yesterday because you worked quite late and you were still here when I left?"

"According to Gibbs it was something stupid"

"What was it?"

"I stood on top of the multi-story car park"

"Well that isn't stupid in itself"

"I was on the other side of the rail, Gibbs found the letter I left on his desk early, he crept up on me and pulled me back over, and even when I tried to jump he wouldn't let me go"

"Ah, and you don't want to be alive now do you?"

"No, he locked all the windows and doors it his house and drugged me to make sure I slept"

"Well that is Jethro's way of dealing things even though what he did was wrong"

"What's the point in this, it's not gonna help"

"You would be surprised what talking can do"

"It doesn't work for me Ducky"

"It's always worth a shot"

"Well I've talked, can I go now?"

"I am not stopping you"

"Bye Ducky"

"Bye Timothy"

I then left autopsy to go to the top floor of HQ, normally there would be nobody around but today there was a security guard. I walked up to him and showed my ID to which the guard replied "Special Agent Gibbs stated that you were not to be let on the roof Sir"

"There must be a mistake"

"No mistake Sir"

I then went straight down to the bull pen, now I know what Gibbs said to the guard last night.

"Hey McProbie, where ya been?"

"Where's Gibbs?"

"I'm here McGee" Gibbs walked around the corner that exact second "ready to talk?"

He nodded for me to follow him to the elevator and I did, as soon as it started Gibbs flipped the switch.

"I don't suppose what you whispered to that security guard involved me and a roof did it"

"Oh yea, and you also don't get to leave the building without me"

"Are you trying to make my life worse?"

"No I'm trying to stop you committing suicide"

"By doing that you do make my life worse"

"And why is that?"

"Because life here is hell and you are just prolonging my suffering here"

"Stop talking like that because it isn't true and we can help, people can help, no matter who, I'm not letting you throw your life away"

"You must have been lying about wanting to take your life"

"I'm not Tim"

"You must be because you would know what it feels like to be here now and you wouldn't have stopped me from jumping"

"That's the very reason I stopped you from jumping, I thought if I could save myself from suicide I could stop you. That's obviously not the case! Go and jump off that roof if you want, I'll get you past the guards"

I stood there speechless, what was I waiting for, I wanted this didn't I?

"What ya waiting for McGee, do you want me to flip the switch myself?"

I completely froze, how could Gibbs be like this? Then I did something I have never done in front of Gibbs, I cried.

"We will get you through this Tim, no matter how hard we will get you through this"

I couldn't look him in the eye, I just felt awful, by now I was sat on the floor of the elevator with Gibbs at my eye level.

"Look at me Tim"

I couldn't, I was too embarrassed.

"C'mon Tim, lets stand up. Shall we visit Abby?"

"Yes" I replied in a whisper.

I saw the surprise cross Gibbs' face, a look you don't see often but it soon vanished. He flipped the elevator on and pressed the button for Abby's lab.

When we arrived there were still some tears rolling down from my eyes and Abby just embraced me in a massive hug asking no questions. It was half an hour later when I stopped crying Gibbs left immediately after he dropped me of though, guess he wasn't sticking around to hear my story again.

"What happened Timmy?"

"I've been stupid Abby"

"Tell me Tim, I can't help otherwise"

"I tried to commit suicide, Gibbs caught me, stopped by force, he handcuffed us together, took me to his house, drugged me, locked all the doors and windows then when I woke up made me get dressed and come to work today. As if he didn't put me through enough he made me talk to Ducky then somehow managed to get me break down into tears"

"Oh Timmy, you can always talk to me, always"

"I know Abby, I was really stupid"

"No Timmy, you were just a little lost"

Gibbs once again appeared out of nowhere speaking his thoughts "It was still stupid Abbs"

"Gibbs, unless you have Caf-Pow go away"

To my shock he bought Abby Caf-Pow and two coffees, one for me, one for him.

"I swear Ducky said something like talking helps didn't he McGee?"

"Yeah boss" I chuckled ever so quietly

"McGee you can always talk to any of us but Ducky is the best person to talk to unless you wanna see an NCIS shrink but it's up to you. Let's not let Tony know you're having the rest of the day off"

"Since when?"

"Since now, you're not coming on a case, you're helping Abby with a back log of evidence"

"But Gibbs we don't have a back-oh, I catch your drift Gibbs" I can't believe it took Abby that long to understand Gibbs' plan, it was quite funny. "So McGee what we gonna do now? We could talk about how you're feeling"

"Why don't you write about how you're feeling Tim?"

"I don't know how"

"Write about today"

"I'll try Abby"

Written by Tom

"Hey Abbs, I think I'm done"

"Wow that was fast"

"Yeah and it brings us right up to now"

"Can I read it?"

"Erm- I-I guess so b-but don't let Gibbs read it"

"Oh McGee, don't be so worried, we are gonna get through this"

"I know Abby" I just grinned at her as if everything was okay, it will be but just not yet.

A/N: Please review, always appreciate your thoughts and opinions :)

Remember to never give up. We all mean something to someone even if we don't know it yet.


	2. The Escape Rule

Hey everyone thank you for reading. I wasn't going to continue this story but here goes nothing, please enjoy and if you have any thoughts or ideas feel free to share, I love to hear reviews and any advice is always taken on board :)

And I am really really really really sorry for what happened yesterday. For those of you who read this story yesterday I somehow posted a chapter for one of my other stories and I appolgise if you have followed this story because of the last chapter and if it confused you. Thank you to my guest reviewer for pointing it out to me even though I did delete the review by accident (oops, clumsy).

My adventurous recovery continued today with some pretty surprising discoveries about rules…

"Lucky you McGoo, you got to spend all day with Abby whist we had to collect pieces of 3 different sailors. What did you do all day?"

"I helped Abby go though some evidence"

"That's it? So whist we were at a crime scene all day slaving away in the roasting hot sun you helped Abby clear a few pieces of evidence"

"Actually DiNozzo" Gibbs said as he interrupted, "Abby has been snowed under with evidence and McGee halved her workload"

"And mine doubled" I heard Tony mumble to himself

"DiNozzo!"

"Yeah boss?"

"When are you going to learn that my hearing is better than my eyesight?"

"Won't happen again boss"

"You bet it won't or I'll have Ziva take your lunch breaks for the next month"

I had to wait for Gibbs to leave to let the smile cross my face to which Tony frowned and said

"What lunch breaks and why does he always defend you?"

"Because he remembers what it's like to work with you alone"

"Good morning McGee" I turned to see Ziva with quite a pleasant smile on her face

"Good Morning to you too, why are you so happy?"

"I just got to watch Tony's first 'Gibbs run in' of the day from a distance how can that not make you smile"

"Actually I would have to agree" I looked towards Tony and saw the 'I'm fed up already' look but unfortunately for him Gibbs was going to be on my side all day which was one positive thing to look forward to.

A few hours had passed and we were all busy with paperwork however I was on the coffee run and I suppose Gibbs must have pretended to see the Director because he was waiting for me by the coffee truck outside. We sat on a nearby bench and, as usual, he was the first to speak because I already knew what sort of conversation it was going to be. "How are you feeling today McGee?"

"Fine boss" I replied but this didn't satisfy him.

"McGee, it was only 36 hours ago you were stood on the edge of a multi-story car park about to jump. How are you really feeling?"

"I'm feeling better than yesterday" I lied, I didn't feel any worse though so what's the harm?

"That's good, have you decided who you are going to talk to from now on?"

"I think it will be better to talk to Ducky if it's okay with him"

"He won't mind Tim. There is one thing I have to tell you though"

"What is it boss?"

"I know you would never break my rules unless it was necessary" he paused for a brief moment "but there is a rule that you should know about, it's called the escape rule. Only Ducky and the Director have heard this rule, not even Shannon knew this one, 'don't even think of suicide until you have tried three other ways to escape'" I was speechless, does Gibbs actually have a rule that says this or is he making this up for my benefit? "Do you remember when I spoke about my Girls' case?"

"Yeah boss"

"Well, catching bastards like the one who killed my girls was my third escape. After that there was nothing else, no light at the end of the tunnel, no person to pull you out of the hole, no reason to live. That's why I said three; three is anyone's limit at that point. So if one day you don't turn up for work and I get a phone call about a dead NCIS agent at least let me know that you followed my last rule." He then walked off silently as if nothing had ever happened, I also displayed no emotion, I didn't know how. I picked up the remainder of the coffees and went back inside, once again I bumped into Gibbs however this time he told me to drop off the coffees then go and see Ducky. I never questioned him, he obviously has some sort of a plan, he always does. So I did as my told, I went to see Ducky and dropped off the coffee on the way even if it was a bit of a detour.

"Ah Timothy, a little birdy mentioned you would be visiting. I have sent Mr Palmer out on an extended lunch break"

"Err hey Ducky, look I'm err sorry for yesterday, the way I acted and spoke were wrong" I had to apologise, on this occasion I should have acted differently.

"Oh Timothy, you needn't apologise besides, it's against the rules. Speaking of rules… has Jethro spoken to you today?"

"Yeah Ducky, the 'escape rule'"

"Good and how do you feel about that rule?"

"Fine I suppose"

"Is it a rule you are willing to follow?"

"Of course"

"That's good. So, how are you feeling in general today? I want an honest answer please Tim."

"I don't feel any worse"

"But you don't feel any better either?"

"No, not yet"

"That is okay Timothy; this is only one of many methods of coping with feelings and days like this are expected"

"What's next if this doesn't work?"

"That is up to you but let's give talking a chance first"

"I take it this is method number one then"

"Only if you wish it to be. The rule states 'at least three', this does not mean that you have to commit suicide if three methods fail. Do you understand this Timothy?"

"Yeah Ducky" I replied with a sigh.

"Do wish to speak more about the feelings you are having Timothy?"

"I'm not sure what else to say"

"Well we can leave it there for today Tim if you wish"

"Thank you Ducky"

"You're welcome. Please remember I am always here for you to talk to as a friend or as a doctor"

With that I exited autopsy as I was unsure of what else to say. Talking is difficult. When I arrived back at the bull pen I put on my best smile only to receive questioning from Tony and no Gibbs to back me up.

"Where have you been Probie? We might as well solve the case without ya"

"Leave McGee alone Tony, we do not question you every time you take a long lunch break"

"Thank you Ziva" I replied "how are you getting along with the paperwork on your part of the case?"

"I have not got much left to do, how about you?"

"By the sounds of it more than you but no more than two hours worth here"

"That is not a lot" Ziva replied

"Hello, does anyone care about me" interrupted an annoyed Tony "I have tones to do, anyone want to help?" Neither of us replied "thought not." This was one of the few things that had made me smile recently and who doesn't love to get there own back on the film buff.

"Talking to yourself again Tony?" Questioned Gibbs on his arrival

"No boss"

"Good, you can get back to your hours of endless paperwork then"

"On it boss"

I smiled at the look that appeared on Gibbs' face but quickly got back to work. Ziva finished her paperwork half an later and teased an annoyed looking Tony, I finished an hour after that. Me and Ziva took a break as instructed by Gibbs but not before he pulled me to one side.

"Did you talk to Ducky about the rule?"

"Yeah, we spoke about it and then I left"

"Good, have you finished your paperwork?"

"Almost" with that Gibbs nodded and walked off mysteriously as I returned to my seat.

In the break room...

"Did you see the look on Tony's face when Gibbs told us to take a break?" I questioned Ziva

"Yes McGee, I did. There is something have been meaning to ask you about though"

"Shoot Ziva" I said confidently after feeling quite content for the first time in months.

"At Mossad we are not only taught how to hide our feelings but detect when others are doing the same. I know I am not a person you think has feelings but I do, I just hide them well. You on the other foot do not"

"It's the other hand Ziva" I replied with what I thought was convincing smile.

"There it is again, the 'I'm okay' smile"

"But I am fine Ziva"

"I have been noticing this for a while McGee, I have even done some research into body language. You cannot hide things from me as you hide them from Tony." After she said that I could feel the sadness and guilt pour over me and I had to escape, I walked off and thankfully she didn't follow.

I went to the men's room where I splashed some water in my face and told myself to pull it together. I took a few deep breaths and looked in the mirror, I was a complete mess. I sorted my hair out and straightened out my clothes so I at least looked presentable, thank goodness it was Tony I bumped into rather than Ziva on the way to my desk.

"Hey McGoo, you're looking a bit stressed, chill out."

"I'm fine Tony"

"Tell your face that McGee" Gibbs interrupted, again, why can't he ever leave me to fight my own battles. "I need a word" so I followed him to his office where he flipped the switch. "What did Ziva say to get you this stressed out?"

"Nothing boss, I'm fine"

"McGee, I don't take well to anyone lying to me, especially one of my own agents. What happened?"

"She just said that she could see that I was hiding my feelings and she can basically see straight through me"

"And I'm guessing you panicked"

"Boss, how am I supposed to do this job if I let Ziva get to me that easily?"

"You stop letting her get to you, it's that simple"

"But boss I- "

"No buts McGee, you can do this and you will do this"

With that Gibbs flipped the elevator back on and we both went our separate ways. I went outside for some fresh air avoiding Ziva in the process and Gibbs I presume went for coffee. When I got back inside Tony and Ziva were nowhere to be seen, nor was Gibbs although he rarely sits at his desk for more then ten minutes at a time. It was now nearing the end of the day so I guessed that they both headed home as Tony's pile of paperwork had vanished and Ziva's rucksack was missing, Gibbs still had coffee on his desk so I knew he was here. I had started to save all of my files and pack my bag when Gibbs arrived who told me to go home like my colleagues so I did.

It took me just shy of ten minutes to drive home however something didn't seem quite right but I ignored it, I was still tired from the other night. As I got to my door I thought I heard something inside the house so I entered cautiously but nothing was out of place so I thought I was tired.

All of a sudden the door slammed behind me but it was just Tony mucking about "thank goodness I wasn't imagining things"

"What's wrong with you McGloomy? You've been miserable for weeks now at work and your apartment is a mess"

"Hold on, I'm not answering any of your questions until you tell me how the hell you got inside my apartment!"

"Your spare key, you leave it in the bottom draw on the right side of your desk" replied Ziva walking out from my bedroom.

"Look McGee, we may not be McGeeks but we know what you're like when it comes to being predictable so ElfLord1.2.3 was pretty easy to crack"

"I only use that password for my laptop Tony, what the were you doing on there?"

"Hey Ziva, sounds like McGee has something to hide do you agree?"

"I do agree Tony"

"What did we stumble across again? Oh yeah, suicide notes! What on earth were you planning, we have always been here for you yet you said absolutely nothing about how you felt!"

"Neither one of us is that unapproachable"exclaimed Ziva.

"Both of you get the hell out of my apartment!"

"No!" They both replied in sync.

"We are not going to leave you here alone for you to do something stupid" said a very annoyed Tony.

"Please McGee we only want to help, we do not want to see you get hurt"

"The reason you haven't seen those notes sooner is because when I actually tried to commit suicide Gibbs stopped me and hid the letters away! Now get lost!" This time they heard the anger in my voice and left, I really don't know what to do now.

I paced around my apartment for a while then started tidying, Tony was right, my place was a mess. I knew it was too late to use the vacuum so instead I picked up every item of loose clothing lying around and put them in the wash basket, I put all of my books and records back in alphabetical order and changed all of my bedding. After that I started on the bathroom, I scrubbed it from top to bottom and thew away any empty or near empty bottles. When I went to start on the kitchen I heard my front door open and realising I forgot to get my key back off Tony and Ziva I told them to "get lost" however I realised it was only one persons footsteps and turned once again to find Gibbs. "Let me guess, considering you let yourself in with a key you have spoken to Tony and Ziva"

"I'm only here to help McGee. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine boss, just having a bit of a tidy up"

"I can see that but it's 11pm, don't you think it's time to chill out?"

"Maybe once I've done the kitchen"

"That's a good couple of hours work by the looks of things"

"Yeah, plenty of time for sleep"

"Do you want me to bunk here tonight?"

"Why? You're my boss not my mother"

"I should hope I'm not your mother, I'd be a bit worried. You do look like you could do with some company though"

"You are welcome to stay however I am not the best of company at the moment"

"That's fine by me, want a hand with the dishes?"

"I'm good thanks, I keep the good coffee on top of the cupboard if you want any"

"I would if I could see the kettle. Let me help McGee, I can half the work load"

"I'm not sure how you would help"

"How about I wash, you wipe up and put away"

"Okay"

We carried on cleaning the kitchen until 1am, not late when you think that we have worked later than this in the past.

"C'mon Tim, it's a bit late to be cleaning now, and that new couch of yours looks pretty comfortable"

"It's a sofa bed. You pull it out from the bottom, rearrange the pillows and you have a bed"

"Where do I get one of these?" I chuckled slightly and went back into the kitchen only to be summoned. "I meant you need to go to bed too McGee"

"I'm not tired"

"You sound like a five year old kid. I will drug you again if I have to"

"Fine but just because I'm going to bed doesn't mean I'm going to be able to sleep" I wondered off to my room got changed and wished Gibbs a good nights sleep. I must have been tired because I fell asleep within 20 minutes which is pretty fast for me, maybe even a record. Before I fell asleep I felt like I was being watched but I was too comfortable to move and knew it would just be Gibbs making sure I was asleep.

That concludes my eventful day, I'm sure tomorrow will be just as eventful.

A/N: Please review :D I love to hear opinions. I don't intend to post another chapter until I get either two more followers or reviews so pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee review. I really want to post the next chapter.


	3. The End

A/N: I hope you all enjoy this last chapter.

I woke up bright and early the next morning at 6:30 only to discover that Gibbs was already awake and making coffee, who would expect anything different? I went straight to my sparking bathroom and freshened up ready for breakfast, Gibbs was still in the kitchen. He did not only make me a coffee but also breakfast, even if it was just a bowl of cereal. "Out of a whole selection of cereal you picked my favourite, how?" He just did one of those Gibbs nods meaning he was never going to tell me. I didn't notice before but Gibbs was already dressed in fresh clothes, I guess his gut told him to pack a night bag. "Boss, was I really on one last night? I was too tired to remember everything that happened after Tony and Ziva left"

"You were just on a cleaning spree McGee, and acted a little bit like a five year old when it was bedtime"

"Yeah, I'm…"

"Don't say it, rules are rules"

"Got it boss"

"I'll let you have your apartment back now; I have to be in early to see the director. And if you rolled in half an hour late I'm sure no one would mind, you could get some more sleep"

"I'm fine boss"

"Then don't be a second late!" He shouted as he was walking down the stairs into the lobby. I then got ready knowing I couldn't be late for work, not today when Tony and Ziva are going to bomb-bard me with questions. Today I need Gibbs on my side.

I arrived at NCIS early thank goodness. No Tony or Ziva to be seen, only Gibbs' coffee which he picked up as he was walking past. I thought he would just ignore the fact that I was there but I was wrong. "McGee, what are you doing here so early?"

"Avoiding traffic"

"Don't you mean Tony and Ziva?"

"N-no boss, I-I would never do that"

"Don't try and lie to me again McGee, you're making it a habit. They are not going to shout at you and if they start to push you tell me because this problem can't be solved through pushing"

"Okay boss"

About half an hour later Tony arrived. "Mornin McGrumpy, how we feelin today?"

"Fine thanks Tony, you?"

"I'm all good Tim" phew, he didn't ask any questions. Wait, I may have thought that too soon. He slid his chair all the way up to my desk "do you want to talk about anything McGee? I'm a good listener when I want to be"

"Tony, I'm fine now please leave me alone"

"I could come round tonight and help you tidy up, maybe we could watch some films after"

"That's nice of you to offer but I did it yesterday besides, Gibbs helped me"

"Oh, okay Probie, if you need to talk I'm all ears"

On that note, as if it had been planned, Ziva walked in and Tony slid back to his desk. "Good morning McGee, Good morning Tony"

"Morning" we both replied then she came up to my desk.

"How are you feeling today McGee?"

"Fine thank you Ziva, what about you?"

"I feel fine McGee, are you going to be okay then?"

"Yes Ziva" I sharply replied without a thought, she then returned to her desk knowing that I didn't want to be asked questions.

"McGee, Ducky now! You two, with me" Gibbs shouted so the whole world could hear. I took the stairs down to Ducky, Gibbs took Tony and Ziva in the elevator, no doubt he was going to talk to them.

When I arrived in autopsy Palmer, yet again, was nowhere to be seen but another person was.

"Ah Timothy, I was beginning to wonder if you were going to turn up today"

"Hi Ducky, who is this?"

"Hello Special Agent McGee, I am Dr Trevor Wimslow, I'm an NCIS psychiatrist"

I immediately turned to Ducky, did he go and tell someone about this?

"Please relax Timothy, he's a friend"

"You have no need to worry about me, I don't intend on putting this in your file"

"He is here because I asked him to be, I need him to make an official diagnosis which is something I cannot do"

"And I also had a debt to repay to an old friend"

Did Ducky really just do this? I knew I should have just not told anybody. The session went on for another hour between him asking questions and my normal chat with Ducky. When he finally left in the elevator I grabbed my jacket and left instantly without saying a word to Ducky who repeatedly called me back. I stopped half way up the second flight of stairs and just sat there showing no emotions, I was still close enough to hear what Ducky was saying over the phone "Jethro, yes this is important, it's about Timothy, fine hurry up" then I heard him put the phone down. A couple of minutes later I heard Gibbs arrive in autopsy.

"So?"

"So what. It went fine, it's Timothy's reaction I didn't account for. He was beyond annoyed and he must feel betrayed. I warned you of this Jethro."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know, he's either about to do something stupid or he is taking a step out of reality for a moment. I have just betrayed his trust, turned his world upside down and probably made everything worse all because you thought we needed a proper diagnosis"

"We did Duck, I told Tony and Ziva to back off, they were questioning him before I got there"

"Jethro, leave the poor boy alone. Yes he has been though a lot of what you have but don't you remember needing space?"

"I remember whenever I was left alone I wanted to shoot myself so I'm gonna be concerned"

"Well based on Dr Winslow's findings with Tim and the information I gave her about you she thinks he may be worse than what you was"

"That can't be right Duck. I know depression can hit anyone at any time but Tim, the happy Tim we all know, it's just not right. I'm going to find him"

"Leave him in peace"

"How do we know he hasn't jumped, overdosed or hung himself already?"

"We don't, we just have to believe that he won't. It's what he needs"

"If he is worse than I was we're gonna need more than belief"

I then heard him walk out of autopsy and press the elevator button, I then realised that I left the door open to the stairs and I heard Gibbs approach, I carefully stood up making as little noise as possible and tiptoed up the stairs. Although I made no sound Gibbs pursued his gut instinct so when he started walking up the stairs. I ran. I ran straight to Abby's lab hoping to lose him. I hid behind her desk and virtually stopped breathing when Gibbs walked in. "McGee!"

"He's not here Gibbs"

"I haven't got time for games Abby"

"Number one, what happened to saying Tim instead of McGee. Number two, hunting him down isn't going to help. Number three, what did he do to piss you off this badly?"

"One, habit. Two, it will if I stop him doing something stupid. Three, he hasn't, I need to talk to him and he overheard me talking to Ducky"

"Well did you say anything offensive?"

"Not offensive as such but both me and Ducky need to talk to him"

"I will tell him if I see him Gibbs but you have been on his case for days. Maybe you should back off a little. Get a coffee and rethink your approach if you want him to open up to you"

"Thank you Abbs but I still need to talk to him" I then heard Gibbs leave and enter the elevator, I waited for the all clear before I came out of hiding.

"Are you sure you never pissed him off?"

"Yeah, I just panicked when I heard him coming; I thought he would go nuts at me"

"You've done nothing wrong"

"I'm just a burden to him, there's no point in being here"

"McGee, don't talk like that. You're being absolutely ridiculous"

"It's true"

"No it's not; if you carry on talking like this I will call Gibbs"

How am I supposed to fight against Abby? She once again gave me a big hug to try and cheer me up, it didn't work but she doesn't need to know that.

"You know you can go and lie down next door and I will get you in half an hour"

"Why don't you tell Gibbs in half and hour and say that I've just turned up"

"See, team work, now go and sleep. You will need your energy if you're going to challenge the almighty Gibbs"

Sure enough I got woke up half an hour later but by Gibbs, not Abby. "Where is he?"

"Chill Gibbs, he's lying down"

"McGee! Ducky's lab now!"

He might as well have dragged me there, we took the stairs down in silence and virtually threw me into autopsy.

"Jethro please, he is not a rag doll"

"I've just spent half an hour looking for him when he was taking a nap in Abby's lab"

"If you are going to be of no use then I suggest you leave"

"I'm not going anywhere Duck"

"Very well then, at least be quiet and allow the boy to speak without being harassed. Now Timothy, the official diagnosis means we can start to treat this properly"

"You seriously expect me to carry on like nothing has happened when you have just told some random person every single detail of my life, what happened to confidentiality?"

"If you want someone to blame for the shrink blame me not Ducky, I needed to know how bad it was"

"No you didn't, you can see how bad it is. You should have just let me jump, nobody cares and I still don't want to be here, nothing is working."

"It has only been a few days McGee, it took me years"

"Why should I care? Both of you have betrayed me" I then stormed out of autopsy nearly knocking Palmer off his feet who was completely baffled by the situation. 'Now I am really for it' I thought. Insulting Gibbs and Ducky wasn't my best idea but they really didn't understand what they had just done. Gibbs calmly followed me and asked me what I was hiding as we entered the lift. Then I spoke "talking is a completely new thing for me boss and what you two just did leads me to believe that I cannot trust you."

"Believe what you want, just answer the question" then Gibbs shut down the lift.

"What makes you think you I am hiding something?"

"Written in your body language, please tell me Tim I have seen and heard everything you could possibly imagine."

"What if I was to tell you that talking was already my third coping mechanism?"

"In that case I would like to ask what your other two were"

"Writing and something that I really don't want anyone else to know boss, not even Ducky after today"

"You don't have to tell me Tim but it would be better if you did because I will just find out anyway in the end." I really don't think he was expecting what happened next.

"Well I-it's easier for me to show you" with that I rolled up my sleeves in hope that I would receive some sort of magical treatment from Gibbs to make it all go away but I knew that what I had done couldn't be removed. The marks ran all the way up both of my pale arms, some were fresh and others were healed. Gibbs was speechless. The expression on his face looked like disappointment to me but looking back it must have just been shock. I then rolled my sleeves back down and spoke "now do you think I have lived through enough torture?" Gibbs couldn't even speak, how did he even miss this one? I really thought he had some idea at the least "Now do I have your permission?" I asked.

"To what?"

"What do you think Gibbs? Commit suicide" I responded impatiently

"I will never permit a young, heathy and promising life to do such a thing but do I know that you followed my rules. Just try and remember that somewhere deep inside of you is that young, green, happy and smart agent that I hired all of those years ago. You have got to be the only person to give Tony a run for his money with women too."

"I don't care Gibbs! I have had enough!"

"McGee, you need to calm down"

"No I don't. I wouldn't even be here if you had stopped me. This is just another few more days of hell to me and there is nothing you can do to change it."

"Tim, there is always help. There will always be someone who cares if you're gone even if you don't realise it."

"Nobody will miss me. Even if they did, I'm sure they would get over me soon enough"

"Think back Tim. Abby would cry for days on end, Tony would be lost, Ziva would shut people out, the technology in the bullpen wouldn't survive and Palmer would have nobody to understand him"

"What about you and Ducky?"

"I don't know what Ducky would do but I know I would resign"

"Why?"

"Too many memories"

"Oh, I didn't think of that"

"So if you wanna kill yourself Tim, go right ahead. But if I see you and a way to stop you, I will take it."

"So you're saying that you don't regret pulling me back from the roof edge"

"No I don't. I would do it every time if it meant you healing just a bit more each day and remember, what you do has a direct effect on this entire family"

"Family? That is the only thing that I didn't have as I was growing up"

"You had more than most Tim"

"But my father just rejected me, it's like I wasn't his. Penny only came round once a week and took me and Sarah out for a few hours then she would dump us back there again. I haven't spoken to my mum in 25 years and dad never encouraged me to do my work. He never even congratulated me for graduating from MIT."

"That's why you brag about it, you want recognition for it."

"I don't mean to brag. I was also the one who was always picked on just in case you haven't guessed already. I was the kid who got all the attention from the bullies and I mean all. My books ended up in the bin, on the roof and in fires. Then after every day I would have to come in and cook my own tea, dad always fed Sarah when he was there. Everything I ever achieved was down to me but now I guess I just can't keep going on my own. It's all well and good when people say they are there for you but when you have really given up there is no point in trying to help. Face it; I am never going to escape this one boss." Gibbs then head slapped me which I think was well overdue.

"Tim, you are not allowed to die on my watch. I have seen too many young lives wasted at the expense of others and you are just willing to throw yours away. That is not going to happen. As for these scars… they are your past. You alone can change everything but if you need help then that's fine because we can change everything. Please don't give up now Tim."

"I can't see why I should live anymore boss, that's what is killing me"

"What about the good memories you have, try and remember."

"I really don't know"

"What about memories of your sister, birthdays, first girlfriend, the day you graduated from M.I.T and FLETC, the day you joined our team?"

"They are good memories boss, but there's not enough of them. People I knew as friends in FLETC are either dead or don't speak to me anymore, can't really blame the though."

"I haven't lived your life so only you have those memories. I have mine. The day I met Shannon, the day I married her, the day Kelly was born, the first time my dad held Kelly and smiled, the piano recitals I was able to attend, the day I met each of my current ex-wives, the day I closed my first case, the day I hired Tony, the day Kate joined the team, the day you joined the team, the day Ziva gained my trust, Paris with Jenny, the day Ducky pushed a policeman off a cliff. See…"

"What?"

"That was nearly a smile, there is still hope Tim. I don't understand how you can't see that. Look, try these tablets, read the label for the dosage"

"There's no point, I already tried these. I seen somebody a while back about this and they prescribed these. They didn't work."

"Then there's only one thing for it"

"What's that boss?"

"You're moving in with me. I won't have any arguments about it"

"But boss-"

"I said no arguments. You need someone to be there every morning to make sure you eat, every day to make sure you're okay and every night to make sure you sleep. I can do all of that and work"

"No. I am not putting on you like that"

"McGee, you don't have a choice. I will even install that Wi-Fi stuff if it helps"

"I really don't need you to do that boss. We have completely opposite lives. In any other profession wouldn't meet, please leave me to be. If I get better then so be it but if I don't and I do jump off a building tomorrow then the suffering has ended for me."

"Stop!" Gibbs' voice roared through the entire NCIS building from the elevator shaft to the director's office, I have heard him shout before but that was something different. "Listen." I was too scared to argue with him. "You are going to get better and you don't have my permission to die. You never will Tim. Now go home, pack your stuff and take it to mine." He started up the elevator again and kicked me out at the bull pen to collect some things. Doing as I was told kind of felt right, I have always made my own decisions in life but for once I had a father making them for me.

Well…this is the end. It's the end of this chapter of my life. I am going to change and 'make my own luck' with this so called illness. I know that some days are going to be bad but I know that there will always be someone there for me. My friends will catch me when I fall even if my family won't be and eventually your friends become your family. There is always someone there for each of us, don't let depression tell you anything different.

By Thom E Gemcity

A/N: I hope you all liked my story but this is where I intend to leave it. No more of Tim's story needs to be said. There are plenty of other people out there who need the same sort of help, some not as much. I had people there for me and to this day even if it wasn't depression, they still don't know what I went through so remember that everyone is facing a battle you know nothing about so be nice and hopefully they will return the favour.


End file.
